4 long months

4 long months 

     Today has been a long day.  It's been hard for me to write something up & then it doesn't sound good.   But it's like Doug from the movie, "UP!"  "Squirrel!!!"  

     Today is 4 months since I have heard your voice, seen you walk in the door & laid in the bed beside you.  I explained that to a good friend & he said to sit down & listen to my words.  Think about what is going on around you.  I said, okay!  He said don't get mad at me or pissed off.  He said, Timmy is not coming back.  I have had heard that plenty of times before that.  But the way he said it, it was coming from someone outside my bubble.  

     The next line he said, was that I needed not to stay at home. He told me that I needed to do something by myself.   

1. Get nails done

2. Get toes done

Then he kept listing things that I need to do.  In my mind, if I was to to them my anxiety level would be up.  

     I ventured out this past weekend, when Ashley & I went to a New Kids on the Block concert in Charlotte.   I was so excited, but I felt like I was having a out of body experience.   I just felt weird while having fun.  

     Then when talking to the friend.  He told me remember several different sayings.  They have really helped:

 1.  Remember, keep moving! If you stop, that's 100% certainly you want make it!

2.  You got this! Inch by inch, side by side!

    

     Then I had lunch with some classmates from.high school - Justin Tolley, Sarah Roney, Jennifer Miles, Katie Snider, Kristi Wilson & Jamie Troxler.  We all had a ball & a good time.

     I'm trying to expand what I do & try new things.  It is scary.  If someone can help me or give me some ideas, please let me know?

Thank you for the continuing thoughts and prayers.   

The grieving process

 The Grieving Process

     The last couple of weeks, I have confined in several of my friends that have been checking up on me.  That I still feel like I'm in shock, denial, still trying to process what has happened,  and trying to figure out what is going on inside my head.  It's scary.  I'm so confused.   I tried to explain how I'm feel & sometimes at least 1 person tries to change the subject.  Which I don't need for that to happen. I'm trying not to be a burden towards anyone.  But that's how I feel.  

     I have heard it's the widow's fog.  Which widow's fog is know as widow's brain, it's describes mental difficulties or memory impairment that may occur after the death of a spouse.  This feeling is thought to be a coping mechanism, where the brain attempts to shield itself from the pain of a significant trauma or loss.  Grief can impact mental functioning, causing issues such as : forgetfulness, difficult concentrating, mental fatigue, challenges in decision-making,  exhaustion, irritability,  nausea, and inability to finish basic task.  The time frame for the duration of widow's fog varies from person to person. It can last from a few weeks to a year or more.  

     I'm learning so much as I go.  But it's a slow process.   So, if I stop in the middle of of a sentence while I'm talking to you. Please bear with me.   I'm trying to figure this out the best I can.

Please continue to pray for us, as we continue go forward.