Puzzled!

 

Don't Understand!

    I have tried to be nice towards different people.  I know people have their own lives.   This person I haven't talked in a really really long time.  But when we talked, I asked if I could check in weekly or  when ever I get a chance to see if there is anything wrong.   I have done my part.  I don't want to make anyone angry.   

If you want me to leave you alone, just say something.   Don't just stop talking to me.  I may think something really bad has happened to you. 

Do I just have a big heart or do I need to give up?

Please help me out. 

Dont understand

 How can overweight people that don't work & sit all day lose weight?  And there are other ones that work & walk that can't lose a single pound.  

The reason I ask is the I have been heavy for most of my life.  I work a full time job & I walk where ever I go.  I tried Keto diet & I ended up with tachycardia.   Now I have to watch what kind of exercise I do.  And then see if I can lose a single pound.   

Then a person very close to me, who started the same weight.  Has lost 30 some pounds.  And all she does is sit, eat & walk to her room.   

It baffles me.  I eat healthy.  I haven't had a soda since 2019.  It's FLIPPING FRUSTRATING.   

Can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong?

Please continue to pray for me as I figure out what I can do to get started?

FRUSTRATED!!

 People don't understand how this hurts me so bad.  I am so frustrated.   Heather gets. All the attention of Timmy, Mom & Dad.  Then there is Ashley,  she has Makenna,  Leighton & Ashton.  Yes,I have Kaleb.  But it's like I got the back burner turned on.   Which it hurts.  

It decided that this week.  Lately it all been about Heather.  For the one who doesn't know.  On June 10th, there was a Alamance County Sheriff Officer that had served us with an Emergency Protection Order for Heather.   She claimed that she never got taken care of.  She never got fed.  Or anything else.   It was she didn't want to.   You see in our house, we have an open floor plan.   And if she really wanted to go & do things.  It was free & open.  She stayed in the hospital for 2 months.  And then DSS, placed her in Roxboro at an Assisted living facility.   

That's all I can talk about,  now.

Trust and lying

 Who to trust and who not to trust?

      I really don't know who or what to trust.  I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LIE.  I can't stand that.   I have learned in the past when people don't know the truth.   They always listen to lies. But don't listen to the other parties.   To figure what is going on.   

     For me to tell you something,  I have to really know you.  

     In the last couple of months, some lies have been told.  And it has come round circle.  If you want the truth, ask other people.   I will be glad to tell you the full truth,  whether you believe me or not that fine.  

I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH WHAT IS GOING ON.   

  All I can say is please say a prayer for us.

It's been hard - Leighton's Birthday Party

 Good afternoon  - Good evening.  Happy Mother's day to all the Mother's that read this.  I would also like to say a HAPPY Belated 6th birthday to my nephew Leighton Michael.   

     As many of you know,  I talk alot about my past and my health.  Well, this past Monday I went to the Doctor.   She was only concerned with a couple of things. I will get into more detail later.   I took a couple of different questions/ text.  She actually diagnosed me with what I have known for the past 6 to 7 years.  Anxiety and Depression- then she informs me that she doesn't like to prescribe any medicines unless they are really needed.  She asked me how I deal with what is going on in my head.  I told her that I talk to some people about it.   But I told her I feel like I am bugging them.  She inform me that if I need to talk.  All I have to do is call the doctors office and tell them that I need a "Mood Check" and they will set up a time to have a phone conversation with the doctor.   

The things she was worried about was my weight and a couple of my lab works.  So, I'm trying to figure out what I am doing wrong. 

     Many of you know in my earlier blogs that I  spilled my guts out when my niece-Makenna was almost born.  As of 6 years ago,  I was unable to have any more kids.  So, everytime I see Makenna I am happy that I am here to see & hold her.  But on the other hand,  I am crying inside.   I can't explain why.   It is just the way I feel.   

SO I AM SORRY IF I AM BORING ANYONE WITH THIS.  BUT THIS IS WHAT THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED FOR ME TO DO.   IT HELPS, BUT I CONTINUE TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT IN MY HEAD.  

Please continue to say a prayer for me.     

Question, "Am I Okay?"

 

 I know these blogs seem like I talk about the same thing everytime.  Where it is almost the same thing, but it's in a different context.   I have a quick question for everyone.  

How many people think that I am Okay?

 The answer to the question is,  NO!!  I haven't been okay for a while now.  The reason I asked was to see if people understood how I act the way I do.   

I am not a rich person,  so I can't afford to see a therapist  to talk to.  This is the reason I started this blog.  To be able to vent.  I mean I have friends to talk to  but it's like I am boring them with my problems.  Doing a blog, let's me vent. Venting is like instead of talking you are writing or typing. 

It sucks. I can't explain,  why or what is going on in my head.  I can put it down on paper than physically face someone else and spill my guts to them.  

See, this what I am talking about.   With all that I have been through,  my mind jumps all over the place.  

This is how I feel about myself.   Which I know is crazy.  I don't understand why I feel like a nobody or that I am worthless.   I know I don't give myself the credit , I deserve.   But it's the way, I feel.  Probably every single person that reads this, who has met me or know me for a very long time will disagree.   I can't explain.   But it's the way I feel.   

Please pray for me,  so I can figure out what is going on. 💔💔😭😭😢😢😢🤔🤔💚💚💚

She's here!

 

Miss Makenna Joyce Morris is here!  It's your birthday today.  She is 6 lbs & 13Oz. She is 19.29 inches long.  She is so precious.  I can't wait to meet her and to hold her.  I have so many emotions right now going on.  I can't explain what is going on in my head.

Auntie Shortie is so ready to spoil you.  I love you, so much & I haven't even held you. ❤❤❤❤👶👶👶👶😥😥😥

Makenna Joyce

 

As I type this,  I am tearing up with excitement.   I can't wait to meet & see my niece.   It's officially 10 hours and 25 minutes until she will grace us with her presence.   However,  I will not get to hold her until she is home and got situated on a routine.   Which stinks so bad.  

Please say a prayer for the Doctors &  nurses that will be working on Ashley.   And most of all please say a prayer for the Doctors and nurses that will be taking care of Makenna after she is born. Love you, Ashley and Makenna.   ❤👶❤👶😥😥😥

I can't wait to see pictures or videos. 

Makenna Joyce

In less than 12 days, I (your Auntie Shortie) will get to meet you.  When I found out that I was going to be an Auntie Shortie again.  I was excited & overwhelmed with emotions.  However there was a part of me that shut down.  I have been really struggling with this.   I'm try to figure out how to explain it. 

  I questioned why didn't God want me to have more kids.  I know I'm questioning a higher power.  Don't take this wrong, I'm glad he gave us Kaleb. He is my pride and joy.  But, I wanted more.  And then I had that precancerous scare in 2016.  That changed everything.   When the doctor told me that I would have to have a hysterectomy.  That was the final draw.  Then, I knew I was unable to have anymore kids.   Which it broke my heart.  I guess when the doctor did the hysterectomy,  that was God's way of telling me that I needed to be here longer to see all my nephews and niece to grow up. 

Now every time, I see a post, a video of a gender reveal or telling someone that they are pregnant.   I start crying.  It must be my hormones.  Or something else, is wrong.  

However,  I love my Nephews - Ashton and Leighton so much.  Words can't express how much.   Then Makenna,  sweet baby girl who I haven't even met.  You have already stolen my heart.   And when I do finally get to meet & hold you.  I will be crying like a baby.  And you would probably look at me like am crazy.  Welcome to the world of crazy people. 

Makenna Joyce- Auntie Shortie loves you.  😥😥😥👶👶👶👶❤❤❤❤❤❤

 

Update

 

Update on the family -Jan / Feb 2022 edition 

     I know it's been a while  since I have updated everyone.   We have been trying our best to stay well.  Kaleb is halfway through his 10th grade year at Western Alamance.  He loves it there.  He has a couple of nicknames - Pickle & Hinkdog Jr.  But he misses his buddies at Clover Garden.   He is also halfway through getting his license.  

  Dad has been driving the bus for 22 years now at Western.   He also takes mom, Timmy & Heather to their appointments.  He has been helping work on my yard art while I am work.  He also goes and does the shopping for the family.  

    Timmy is doing good.   He gave us a scare in Nov 2021. He ended up with COVID & his o2 levels dropped.   He was admitted to UNC for at least a week.   He came home with oxygen tanks.  He is doing a little bit better.   

Mom on the other hand is doing okay.  She had her scare in Feb & March.  Between then and October '21- she has had 2 strokes, no signs or symptoms.   If anyone has had someone who has had a stroke.  You know it's like dealing with a Preschooler.  It is like she wants to play around, when we are trying to be serious.  It never works.  She thinks everything is funny & that Dad & I are the energizer bunny.  But it's not true. 

Then there is Heather,  she has gotten even worse.   She swears up & down that she hasn't had a stroke.   But the mri shows  different.   I have had to go & take some IBC papers out on her several times.   She has threatened the whole family.   That has been going on for awhile now.   She gets pissed at the drop of a hat.  It stinks trying to figure out what we need to do.  To get her some help.  She claims that we did this to her.  And that we are the crazy ones.  And she is not the stupid one.  

Then there is me, I trying my hardest to stay sain.  I'm trying not to go crazy.  But I think I'm heading in that direction.   When people ask me how I'm doing?  I lie and tell them, "I'm good!" "I'm okay!"  Which is not the full truth.   But, if I tell them the full truth.   We would be there a long time.   I have basically taken over everything.  Ie: cooking, medicines, paying bills, making sure everyone has everything they need.   I have been planning a baby shower for my sister - Ashley.   She is having a girl.  So, 1st niece, 1st granddaughter,  1st Great granddaughter.   Her name is Makenna Joyce.  Her due date is March 19.  That is her Grandpa Aaron's birthday.   I think she will come early.   She will make her grace be known.  I'm just ready to meet my niece.   

Please forgive me for all this venting.  It just stinks. 

I keep looking at my favorite Bible verse.