365 days - gone to long

 

365 days - gone to long

     I am trying to find the words to explain emotions & how I feel about today and the next couple of days.   I'm trying to explain my emotions with it being a year since I lost Timmy.  When people say that you will be okay.  Sorry no the flip you will not be okay.  It may get better.   But not right now.  That day is played over & over inside my head.  When you see your spouse take their last breath.  When the doctor's or nurse's come in & say "I'm sorry for your loss!"

     I have tried to put it in another part of my mind.  But everytime, I open my car door & look down at the pavement or gravel.   No matter where I am at parking my car. I am looking for Timmy to be there.  I know that sounds crazy.   But now it's a habit.  

     I want to see his face.  I want to hear his voice & I want him to walk through the door.   But I know that's not going to happen.   The last year has been an emotional living h--l. 

     It's been day by day. Which is?

1 year - 12 months

1 year - 365 days

1 year - 52.143 weeks 

1 year - 8, 760 hours

1 year- 525,600 minutes 

1 year- 31,536,000 seconds

      I know some people may say that's not alot.   But to someone who has lost a spouse or a love one it is.  

     I found this song.  And if you listen to the words, it describes Timmy very well. It is "Angel" by Beverly Mitchell.  If you have never heard this song, here are the words to it.

Angel

Beverly Mitchell 

Have you ever met an Angel 

Whose smile is like the sun

Whose laugh is like a melody 

That reaches everyone.

Have you ever hugged an Angel 

Swept up in their embrace

I swear there's nothing

 In this world that makes

You feel that safe.

Have you ever really loved an Angel 

Once you have you'll never 

Be the same again. 

Have you ever had to let 

Go of an Angel

Say goodbye, let 'em fly

My Angel

My Best friend 

Have you felt the strength 

Of an angel

When you need it the most

Lifted by those gentle wings

You know you're not alone.

Every now & then I feel the peace inside 

Wherever life may take me, I'm guided by that light

Have you ever really loved an Angel

Once you have you'll never be the same again

Have you ever had to let go of an Angel

Say goodbye, let 'em fly

My Angel

My Best friend 

Cause I have really loved an Angel

How could I ever be the same

Cause I have had to let go of my Angel 

Say goodbye, let 'em fly

My Angel 

My Best friend 

Please continue to pray for us as we continue to honor Timmy.  

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Timmy!

 Happy Heavenly Birthday, Timmy!

     I didn't realize that last year was the last time, we would celebrate your birthday.   For someone who has lost a spouse go on to celebrate their birthday after their passing.  It's hard to explain how I am feeling about this and we are going to do.   I do know that I will get a cake of some sort.  We will get a balloon and place it over at your spot. 

     I pretty sure you are celebrating with everyone up there and watching over us. I miss you so much.   I love you, Timmy.  

     Please pray for us as we figure everything out.