Good bye 2024 & Hello 2025

 Goodbye 2024 & Hello 2025

     I don't know about everyone else.  But 2024 has been a hell of a year.  With it being the last day of the year, it is unreal.   I'm trying my hardest to go day by day.  I have stepped out of my comfort zone a lot lately. 

 

     I have tried to try new things.  Ex: hanging out with friends, getting a tattoo & trying to change my lifestyle.  I'm learning as I go being a widow and a single mother.  People may say they don't care about how I am feeling.   But I don't care.   I'm learning how to speak my mind.  But it's hard.  And I want back down.  

     I have been reminded to pick myself up, straighten my crown & find some good in the day. 

 

   

I pray everyone has a blessed, great & safe New Years.  

9 months - emotional- physically & mentally

 

9 months - 

9 months ( equal)

39.107 weeks

273.931649 days

6570.007 hours

394200.432 minutes 

23652025.9 seconds

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     9 months is a long time.  It's a long time to hear your voice.  It's a long time to hold your hand.  It's a long time to see you walk in the door.   But I know you are watching over us.  Occasionally I feel like you are around us.  

     The last 9 months have been really emotional, physically & mentally exhausted for me.  Especially the last 2 months with Thanksgiving & Christmas.   And with New Year's day right around the corner.   I don't know how it's going to be.  We are trying our best, but for me it's really hard.  

     I can't explain what is going on inside my head.  I have been trying to open up to my friends.  But it's been hard expressing my feelings.   I will continue to express my feelings and talk about Timmy.   If you don't care, don't pay attention to what I say.  

Please continue to pray for us as we are trying to figure things out.  

Update on Dad- part 4

 Update on Dad- part 4

     He got his cleared by his cardiologists.  He is able to go back to work.  But he is having trouble with his left upper arm.  He has to be cleared fully, so he can get his DOT physical.  He is so ready to go back to work.   

     Thank you for everyone thoughts, prayers, text messages & phone calls checking in on Dad.

    Please continue to pray for us as we continue to find out what is going on with his arm.  

Merry Christmas to you!

 This last couple of days, I have been trying to figure out how to write this. So here it goes.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

     I know everyone says that the holidays are suppose to be happy, cheerful, & wanting to be with family. Well, I know from this year, our Christmas will not be a normal Christmas. We are missing a crucial part of the family. It sucks. Putting up all the decorations - Yard blows ups, Christmas 🎄 and even the stockings -(which got put up tonight).  

     Once I found that Kaleb was asleep. I put out all the presents & Mom had on the Country Music 24/7 channel. The very next song that came on was Alabama “Angels among us. “ I knew was Timmy. He was letting us know that he was here while I put out Kaleb's presents. Which was one of the songs that was played on his memorial video. 

     I have been trying my darnest to stay strong but It has been really hard. Some how I have done that. Even when Dad played Santa at the daycare on Friday. Last Christmas, you played Santa at the daycare. Yet, did I know that was the last time that would happen.   

Please continue to pray for us as we are trying to get through the holidays. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 Happy Thanksgiving!

I have been trying to figure out how to do this 1st Thanksgiving post without a part of the family. With it being time for Family. There is one thing that I can definitely say, that I am thankful to have had you in my life as long as I did. For me to say that it's hard. We started dating before Thanksgiving of 2002. That was the first time you met the whole family- Aunts, Uncles, All of my Cousins. Lol! And anyone who meets my family for the first time, it can be overwhelming. Then the very next day you called me & asked how about Christmas. I knew that there were going to be plenty more where that came from. I am thankful to have had you in my life for 21 years. I miss you so much Timmy. 

It's been 34.762 weeks, 243.334 days, 5840.006 hours, 350400.384 minutes, 21024023 seconds & 21024023040 milliseconds since I have heard your voice. It's getting harder and harder.  😢💔

I'm also thankful for my son. He has definitely stepped up to be the man of the house. I am blessed to have Kaleb in my life. Love you K Boogie !

I'm thankful for my family.   

I'm thankful for my friends. I want to thank them for being behind me for so long. Especially the last almost 8 months. Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for the encouraging words. Thank you for the long talks on the phone - no matter what time. 

I would like to thank everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers as we go through the holidays.  

Happy anniversary & to honor Timmy

 Happy Anniversary & to honor Timmy 

     I have tried to write this several times. I have been trying to find words on how to honor Timmy on our Anniversary. On November 15, 2003, I married my best friend, partner, love of my life & my husband. We went through alot of mental, physical & emotional things. Timmy was my 1st real love.  

     I was blessed to call him my best friend, partner, love of my life, & husband after 20 years and 4 months. This is how it breaks it down.  

20 years + 4 months = 244.164 months 

7305 + 121.667= 7,426.667 days

175320 + 2920.003 = 178,240.003 hours 

10,519,200 + 175, 200.192= 185,719,392  

    minutes 

631,152,000 + 10,512,011.5 = 

    641,664,011.5 seconds

     This would have been 21 years. I will continue to honor Timmy with everything I do.  

     I love you to the moon and back. 

 Happy Anniversary!

Please continue to pray for me & I continue to move forward.  

Update on Dad- part3

 

Update on Dad 

     He surgery went really well.   He is in a room.  He possibly will be coming home tomorrow.  Depends on what the doctor says.  He had to sit up, eat & then stand up all before tonight.  

     We want to thank everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers. 

     I will keep everyone posted. 

7 months- It's getting harder

 

7 months- It's getting harder 

      7 months to some people might be not a long time.  But someone who has lost a love one/ spouse it's a long long time.  It has been 5110.006 hours, 306600.336 minutes & 18396020.2 seconds.  I have tried my best to remember your voice.   With help of my emotional support frog-  yes ma'am.   And the smell of your deodorant-  yes ma'am- a stick of it sitting beside my bed.  

     I have definitely step of my box.   I know I had told you that I wanted a tattoo for the 4 generations of Holt's.  And I also mentioned that I wanted a memory tattoo for Uncle Johnny.  You told me to go for it.  The I decided to do something in memory of you.  Everytime I look at it.  I feel like you are here with me. 

 

     We have helped each other , both Kaleb and I.   Kaleb has definitely stepped up.   Since Dad is dealing with this health issue.  Everytime we are at the hospital I feel your presence.   It's like you are either standing at the curtain or right beside the bed.   Timmy with Dad having his aorta valve replacement surgery on Tuesday, it will be scary.   But I know he has to have it done.  So he can be better for the Burlington Christmas Parade to be the Grand Marshall.   Just please place your hands on Dad, the doctors and everyone that will be helping out.  

     So my emotional, mental, social & physical status- all stink.  

My emotional status has been like a light switch.   Which I know is normal for someone in my situation.  

My mental status is about the same.   I have people who have been challenging me to do or try different things.  

My physical status is not good.   I have been going to the doctors, taking my medicine, eating and drinking plenty of water.   I also have been trying my best to get out of the house more.  

My social status/ interaction- STINKS.  I have tried to invite people to go & get a bite to eat.  But 1) the person told me to leave them alone & 2) the person never even responded back.  So I guess I'm not even going to try again.  

But one thing, I am scared of right now is alone time.  I'm tired of being lonely.   But I'm trying. 

I MISS YOU, TIMMY!  LOVE YOU!!

Please continue to pray for us as we are going through these things.  

 

Update on Dad #2

 

Update on Dad #2

     As I reported in my previous post - Dad had NO BLOCKAGES!!!! But we did go ahead and set up his aorta valve replacement surgery.   It is October 29 @ UNC main hospital.   

     Right now we are waiting on his artery to clot after doing the heart cather.   It's a slow process.   He is hungry and bored out of his mind.

     Thank you for you thoughts and prayers.

Update on Dad

 Update on Dad

    Dad is in recovery.   He has NO BLOCKAGES!  So, he has to take it easy for the rest of today & some of tomorrow.  When we leave here we will have the TAVR- valve replacement surgery date.  The Cardiologist just came by & said, everything looked good. 

     So now we are waiting on the person who schedules the surgery to come by & for the spot on his arm where they inserted the cather. I will keep everyone posted his recovery.   We want to thank everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers.  

Update on Dad

 

Update on Dad 

     Ever since he took his self out of work.   All he has been doing is chilling.  He does have a procedure tomorrow, which is a heart cather that will be done on the left side of his heart.  If they find some then, the doctors said that they will fix it.   Once that is done, then we will find out the date of the TAVR procedure. 

     Also one side note,  Dad was nominated for the Grand Marshall of the Burlington Christmas Parade & he got chosen.   So on November 23, he will be riding in the parade.

I will keep everyone updated on how it goes tomorrow and the date for the other procedure. 

Thank you for your thoughts & prayers. 

Update on Dad

 Update on Dad

     We went for a CT scan & a consultation today.  CT scan still the same.  The first doctor said that he was a good candidate for the aortic valve replacement.   The second doctor said that he wanted to do a heart cather on him to see if anything else needs to be done.  If he finds anything, he can add that to the list.  Then he said, if I came down to it. He was do either a pacemaker or open heart surgery.    Then Dad should be able to get up and move or go.

     Once we schedule the heart cather.   By the time we leave, we should have the date on the other procedure.  Then we will go from there.  

Please continue to pray for us!

Only 6 months

 Only 6 months 

      As I sit here in the er at UNC main hospital with Dad.  I think about how it's been a hard 6 months.   But with it being 6 months, it's been 262800.288 minutes & 15768017.3 seconds.  You have been dearly missed.   But, I'm making it.  We are making it. Kaleb has really stepped up with helping Nana and  Big Buddy.  

     I feel you around me when I'm by myself.  I love when the memories pop up on my phone/ Facebook.   

     Please continue to pray for us at this time.