So Fed up!!!!!!

2-22-2021

    People have been telling me, that there was nothing wrong with me.  I started to believe them.  From 4th - 12th grade, I was verbally bullied and I hated every bit of it. My classmates thought it was funny to call me fat, ugly, bad words, and many just have hatred words to say.  However, I tried everyday, every single hour.  I tried to be invisible.  However, it never worked.  When I was in gym, they would make fun of me doing the exercises that we were supposed to do. When I was in the classroom, they would make fun of me sitting in the desk.  Saying that I wouldn't be able to fit.  I hated every bit of it.  

    I tried to make friends with them, however that didn't work.  It made it even more worse.  I had crushes on guys.  However they didn't see me like that.  I was even being bullied by them.  Which is the worse feeling.  That is why I never dated, or gone out with a group of friends.  I had trouble even going to a dance (middle school and high school).  Let me take that back, (sorry)!  I did go out with one guy and went to my junior prom. We only for at least 2 weeks.  For my senior prom, I went by my self.  It was okay, I guess.  I think I danced with 1 guy that whole night.  The other times, I just sit by myself.   Which is how it always was at the dances.  

    I have even been bullied in college and at some places where I had worked.  It completely has been so bad, that i had wanted to crawl in a corner like a ball and just cry.  And now I so many issues making friends and trusting them, that it's hard for me to explain why I am so quiet.  I still have trouble getting it out of my mind. I think that someone who has been verbally bullied all those years, wouldn't end up with some mental issues.  I believe that someone like that could end up with PTSD, Depression and Anxiety.  I have maybe all 3.  But I know I have 2 of the 3.  IT STINKS, for someone that age to be going through that.  

  I have been out of school since 1996.  An to this day, I still remember the people that caused most of the issues.  I have forgiven them, however I have not forgotten who you are.  I have trouble talking to them in passing, because I want them to wondering "Why isn't she talking to me?"  or "Why is she ignoring me?"  And I just some times walk away.  And let them figure it out.  

Please talk to your School age kids about bullying.  I hate to even see, kids now days who are killing themselves because someone is bullying them.  It breaks my heart.  I wish I could, do something about it.  However, I am only one person in a great big world.