2 year anniversary- it stinks

 

     As I sit outside watching the storm clouds roll in. I wonder how I have made it through 2 years of you not being here. 2 years? It seems like it was yesterday. You walking out of Great Clips looking all spiffy. I wish today I had taken a picture, yet did I realize that we only had about 25 to 30 minutes left with you. I still remember what you kept saying to me every time I asked if, “You were okay? You said,” I am fine!” But you knew that you were going to be okay. I hate that I didn't do more to help you out. But since then, I have been overprotective of my immediate family. When they say that, they don't feel good. I turn into the mother figure. I wish I had put my foot down more towards you that night. 

     The last 2 years have been a learning process for me as a person. That is hard for me to say. But, I am getting there. I have learned how to talk about my emotions. I have learned to write things down about Timmy. I have learned to deal with my chronic social anxiety & depression. But that is really hard. Which I know I will never be right. But I am a (WIP)- work in progress. And l know I have some people who have my 6-(back). And I want to thank them. To the people who have checked on me throughout these months/ years. Thank you! To the one who checked on me at the beginning and then ghosted me. I am so-so.  

2 years = 24 months 

2 years = 730 days

2 years = 104.286 weeks

2 years = 17520 hours

2 years = 1051920 minutes 

2 years = 63115200 seconds

     I have some 1st sense Timmy passed. That was last year, this year I had to do my taxes as a single woman. Then I had a former classmate of Timmy’s that hit me up on Facebook Messenger. He said, “I didn't know that Timmy passed away. May I ask what happened?” I was in shock, apparently people don't read Facebook messages/post. They just scroll through them. Its becoming slowly difficult to type what happened. I have to say to myself. It's okay to say. I got this. 

    I know I keep repeating myself, I don't wish this on my worst nightmare. It's hard for me to move forward with that sentence. So I will stop right there.  

      I miss you so much Timmy! It is becoming harder to remember your voice. I miss you walking in the door. I miss hearing your cpap machine running. I miss hearing you & Kaleb fussing. I miss smelling your deodorant. At least, I have not thrown that away & I don't think I can.  

Please continue to pray for us as we still try to figure everything out.