The last couple of weeks

 

The last couple of weeks.

So I have been trying to explain what is going on in my head and how I am feeling.  But words just don't come to me like that right now.  So I am trying to talking it in my head & then type it.  If it doesn't sound good, then I am sorry.   But who cares.

This past week has been a living h---. I have lost my best friend, my husband and my partner.   As it showed today, he was very well loved.  I didn't know he knew so many people.  But I guess he did.  

Many of people have been checking in on me.  But all I can say is that I'm okay.  But blame well knowing that I am not.   It stinks, trying to find the words.  But I would like to thank everyone who has been checking on me.  

As I type this I am sitting on the front ramp, in the sun, listening to the birds and watching the crazy cars go by.  I gave seen a couple of cardinals both male and female.   And a crazy squirrel that chases the birds off. Getting side tracked, I was saying just being outside it's feels good to feel the sun on my face & the wind blowing my hair.   

Trying to stay busy is in my mind is what I need to do.  But its just  not what I want to do.  I do know that starting last Thursday, my attention span has been short with everyone.   I have tried my best to turn it around.   I hope I can. But I googled the stages of grief.  What I read as the stage 1- denial.  I also think that I am being a bother to people.   

Stage 1- Denial

It is scary.  Not knowing what is going on in your head.   But you want to shutdown.  But you can't.  You have everyone around you, & your are wanting to talk to someone.  But you can't explain.  I already suffer from Depression and Anxiety.  Both of them have really started showing their ugly heads. 

  Please continue to pray for us.